To be a woman in 2021
International Women’s Day 2021 is approaching. The requests to speak on panels are flooding in and the theme for this year - #ChooseToChallenge.
It is Monday March 8th 2021, social media is filled with posts stating Happy International Women’s day. We see pictures of several men and women with their right hand up “choosing to challenge”. While some take part, others question the meaning behind this. Is this just another hashtag? What is the action behind this?
Nonetheless, the pictures keep coming in – on my LinkedIn feed, I see people challenging systems to increase investment into start-ups and companies founded by women, on my Instagram feed, I see people challenging colorism and institutional racism, on my Twitter feed I see people some people just “choosing to challenge” and others stating they would miss out on this hashtag and continue to do the work which really is hiring more women and paying women equally.
At first glance, and with the amount of activity going on social media, one would think – we are in a revolution and people are truly choosing to challenge old systems and ways of doing things. Basically, a step towards true gender equality. Well, the events over the next few days, reminded me of the society we still live in, one that talks about change but truly isn’t ready for it. One that asks women to challenge until that challenge is too uncomfortable for them.
Well, on Monday March 8th at 9pm, the much talked about interview between Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex and Oprah was aired on ITV for the British public after airing on CBS in the United States the night before. On Tuesday 9th of March 202 morning, I alongside everyone watched as the interview was dissected by “experts”, fans and really anyone who cared about the Royals. To date, this interview had over 17 million live viewers on CBS, in the UK alone, it garnered a massive 11.3 million viewers and around the world a whopping 61 million people viewed the interview so of course everyone had an opinion.
Harry and Meghan spoke their truth and fairly intimate details. Meghan shared conversations that were had about “concerns over their son – Archie’s skin colour”. She even shared details of her mental health deteriorating to the point “she didn’t want to be alive anymore”. She talked about how she wanted help and unfortunately was not offered any. (I truly dropped a tear then). I can go on and on about so many bits that made me reflect on the society we currently live in. Let me first state – I am #TeamSussex all the way and I was not naïve to the fact that they would be met with much backlash especially knowing and living in the UK for over 10 years. I was however appalled by the disparaging comments made to the point Pierce Morgan stated he “didn’t believe” she was telling the truth about having suicidal thoughts. If you aren’t #TeamSussex for whatever reason, that is totally fine, we are all entitled to our own opinion. But, to say you think another human being is lying about having suicidal thoughts…what or who gives us the right to question someone’s mental state of being? Whether you are of the opinion that they (Harry & Meghan) were/are “spoilt brats” and Meghan was the mastermind manipulator and coerced Harry into this, at no point should we as a society ever come to a place where someone feels scared to share their struggles with mental health because they fear not being believed. We have seen this play out one too many times with the #metoomovement and that greatly affects victims’ willingness to step forward.
I couldn’t help but think, weren’t we all telling women to #choosetochallenge yesterday? *Very confused*
As I grappled with this, on Wednesday 9th March 2021, human remains found in Woodland in Ashford Kent were formally identified as Sarah Everard the 33-year old Marketing Executive who had gone missing 6 days prior. She went missing after leaving a friend’s house in Clapham, South London at around 9pm. She is believed to have walked through Clapham Common on her way home to Brixton, but she never made it. The scariest part was that a serving Metropolitan police office has been charged with kidnapping Sarah Everard from the street as she walked home and then murdering her.
There I am again thinking – What world do we live in? A reminder that as a woman walking home at night is a huge risk. You cross the streets when you hear footsteps behind you, you make sure your music is not too loud to ensure you’re still aware of your surroundings, you do not take short cuts through the parks or unlit alleys, you hold your keys in your hands, you pray with each step you take and you countdown till you’re home but most frighteningly, even at the hands of the police, you still are not safe!
It reminded me of Blessing Olusegun, the 21-year-old carer who never made it home but her body was found on a beach in East Sussex with her phone and slippers next to it in September 2020. Her death was deemed as “unexplained” by Sussex Police but no further investigations were made into this. Of course I start thinking about the intersection between race and gender. Sarah Everard’s case was solved in 9 DAYS, yet 5 months later, Blessing’s case is still “unexplained”.
On Thursday 10th of March, Caroline Flack’s mother – Christine Flack warned that the media has failed to learn the lessons of Caroline Flack’s death and must take responsibility for coverage of public figures struggling with mental health problems. Caroline Flack, a well-loved TV presenter passed away by committing suicide in February 2020. Again, this was another reminder of the fragility of life and to be more precise women.
On Saturday, a vigil for Sarah Everard was planned in London. Granted we are still in a pandemic and there are restrictions but nothing in my opinion calls for the level of violence we witnessed. The violence that saw a woman of about 5 foot 2 in height on the ground held in handcuffs by 3 male officers. The only thought that comes to mind is - where is this same energy for male offenders? Especially considering the culprit in question here is a fellow Metropolitan officer.
Here we are – Sunday 14th of March – its Mother’s Day and again my timeline is filled with loving pictures of their mums and appreciation for women.
This is where I get angry, disgusted and confused. All the women highlighted here, Meghan, Sarah, Blessing, Caroline Flack they were first and foremost women, then they are someone’s sister, mother, wife, best friend etc. How do we as a society truly say we support women, we want gender equality, women should challenge and speak up but at every chance, find a way to silence her – be it by bullying, harassing, blackmailing, gaslighting her, telling her she is saying too much, assassinating her character or worst still assassinating her…
I realise I am a very “black” or “white” person, you know - “hot” or “cold”. I truly despise the “grey” or “lukewarm” areas. So, I’ll rather feel like a society does or does not support gender equality so at least I know where I stand. As Trevor Noah frequently jokes, racism is South Africa was “better” because it was obvious – you had signs saying “white only” or “no blacks allowed”. Basically – you knew where you stood.
Unfortunately, this is not our reality. We live in a society filled with grey areas. Grey can be ok when you are talking about colour palettes to paint your house, BUT, when it comes to human life, when it comes to women’s life, her right to speak, her right to be included and heard, we cannot have Grey! No, it doesn’t work and in my opinion, it is worst because it gives a false sense of progress - it is frustrating and infuriating. This type of grey can truly cause someone their life! Let this week serve as a reminder of that – we are nowhere where we need to be as a society! We need more actions – less words!